Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
