Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
