so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
