last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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