You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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