one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
