He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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