when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
