im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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