The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
