member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
