party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
