I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
