I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
