I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
