dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
