Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
