if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
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Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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