you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
