i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
