I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
