I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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