Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
