Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
