i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
