Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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