I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
