her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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