He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
