my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
