i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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