Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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