I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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