Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
