the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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