Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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