Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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