Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
