get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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