I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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