i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
