Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
