dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
