No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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