I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
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If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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