so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
