She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
