just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
