i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
