yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
