All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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