Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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