I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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