i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
