I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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