i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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