theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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