OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
