Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
