North Korea, Best Korea!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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