can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
