The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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