looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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