FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
